Why I write...
I had a rough few weeks in reference to my writing. This issue of mine isn’t new. In fact, I think this might have been one of the contributing factors to why I spent an entire year in writer’s block after the release of All’s Wright in Love & Lies in 2019. But I’ve found myself here once again after releasing several books in the last 9 months (The Life We Share, A Broken Kind of Love & Rusty)
Here’s how it goes: I will see an uptick in purchases & then comes the praise after the readers grab a hold of the material. I relish these comments & reviews because I love to do the work & the fact that others might love it too means a lot to me. However, two weeks after release day things drop off. The spinning ball of momentum goes away & I am left feeling deflated & broken asking myself all the why’s of doing what I do. Do I do it for me or other people? Both? Can it be both?
I try not to compare myself to others but I do. I mean this in the best sort of way. I am genuinely happy for other artists and their success, but I wonder what they’re doing right & what I am doing wrong. How is there book everywhere & mine is not? How are they doing it? I've made so many improvements over the years. I’ve finally figured out my brand, my pillars, my covers all look so much better, my writing has improved, my editor is killing it. So, why can’t I figure this out? Why can’t I grasp hold in this industry? What am I working so hard for?
After pulling away and contemplating this for a few days. I decided on a few things:
I am tired of feeling like this. (i.e. comparison game, woe is me)
I need to figure out why I’m writing & for whom.
I need a manifesto to look back on for the next time this insecurity creeps up.
So… here it is, my manifesto, the reason why I do this damned thing called writing.
Colleen you write because you must. You write because this is how God made you. When you’re not writing you’re not as happy. When you’re not writing you lack understanding of the world. You write because reading your work makes you happy. You write because you love the characters inside of your head & you love to see them find their way, much like you’re finding your way. You write because even if only five people read your work you treasure what those five people have to say. You write because it lights you up. You write because you have to, even when you’re not physically writing you’re thinking about stories, characters & ideas for your writing.
You don’t write to: get more instagram followers, hit it big, see the starry lights, have everyone approve of you & your work, get validation from anyone, make all the money
Next time I feel low about what I am doing & why. I will come back to this & read it over & over & over until I know why I do this damned thing called writing!
