My Personal Hell: Writer's Block & How I Got Through It

It’s been two years. Two long years of me not being able to write, not being able to create something new. Sure, I could create a short story, commit myself to 10-15 pages of something—but then I would lose interest, or it would just get too hard to continue on, or I would doubt myself and if my work was worthy of being read by me or anyone else.

Looking back on this now, I guess you could say that I had a good old classic case of writer's block. I was doubting myself, losing my voice, trying to make my writing into something it wasn’t, feeling ashamed of what I had produced in the past. I was jealous of other people’s successes. Why can they create so much? Why can they seem to do what I once could do but can’t anymore? What’s happened to me?!

What Caused My Writer’s Block

Looking back, a couple of things happened that started this. First, a tough situation happened with a close friend of mine. I had to face a lot of unpleasant things about myself and how I was living my life. I had to grieve a part of me that could no longer exist within the limits of my lifestyle; I had to give up friends and relationships. 

I had to change and with that, I had to find a new normal and balance in my life. That took time—it took a long time. I always want to rush things: if I admit to feelings, then I want to be instantly done with those feelings. Now, I’ve learned that I will only suffer longer if I ignore things, if I don’t talk about them. Translation: I will be blocked in all areas of my life.

The second situation was that I began working. I run a business and when I started it in May 2018, it didn’t take me long to realize that my clients and business were taking priority over my writing. My creativity was immediately zapped and funneled into my clients. I am a people pleaser by nature, so I pushed my writing and my personal life aside to give it all to my business. 

Although I could see what was going on, I also knew between working, being a mother and a wife, my writing was the last thing that needed to be lifted up. A part of my heart broke at the thought of that, but I needed to contribute financially and make money for my family.

So, how did I work through these factors to blast through writer’s block?

Achieving Balance in My Business

It took me a while to gain a balance with my business. Part of the reason that I worked from home was so that I could still have a lifestyle that provided the best of both worlds, but there I was: working 6-8 hours every day and having breakdowns because we had no food in the fridge and I didn’t have the energy to make it to the store. 

After about nine months, I took an inventory of how much of myself I could give away. For me, that was three hours per day, maybe four, which left plenty of time for my family’s needs and my own.

Setting Boundaries

When a client asked me for something, the old people-pleasing me would get right on it, in that moment, dropping everything (I was doing) for them. The new me had to start saying, “Yes, I can do that, tomorrow morning.” That taught me how to set up boundaries for them and myself. 

Some of my clients didn’t like this shift; they wanted me right then and for that reason, some of those relationships had to change. I realized that I couldn’t give them what they needed and on the other hand, they knew they needed someone who had a looser schedule than I could provide. My client load decreased, but I also started to raise my rates, so it all balanced out.

Realigning My Intentions

My family experienced a very hard death last summer. I was doing my own grieving but also feeling the loss through all the family. It was like a rock being tossed into a lake; the ripples hit everything and everyone. 

I held people who had been constant figures of strength in my life while they sobbed from grief. From all of this, I felt like God was reminding me that things aren’t infinite, you don’t get second chances, you’ve got to live and be your best version in the process. 

My aunt, the one who passed, was such a light in the world. Her funeral was so crowded that people couldn’t even fit into the church. I looked around and thought, I want this.  I want to live a life that is so bright and so wonderful that people can’t help but be attracted to that light, to a light that shone as brightly as hers. I needed to realign my own desires. What could I be doing better? As with all days, I had the intention of writing—I want to write, but my laziness or my fears or my TV habit get in the way, so I didn’t.

After starting a special writing-themed Instagram, I felt a new freedom that I didn’t have before. I found a community of people just like me that were out there hustling, talking about their writing process, how much fun they were having with this craft. My purpose started to form and it was, “I want to be a writer.” So, if that’s what I want, then why am I wasting my time doing other things? If my aunt, a great supporter of my writing, were here, she would listen to me, crack a joke, and tell me to do it already.

So I did.

Putting Pen to Paper (or Fingers to Keyboard)

In December 2019, I sat down in a coffee shop with an empty notebook and some jams (that’s a 90s term) ringing in my ears. I lined out a brand-new story idea. I created characters, scenes, layers upon layers upon layers. I couldn’t write fast enough; my hand began to cramp. 

After all the Christmas holiday hoopla, I set a rule for myself: No TV until I get 1000 words in every day. Shockingly, I’ve stuck to it. I’ve been busy and missed two or three of these days but the very next day, I would double up on words so that I still meet my goals. With the new guidelines I set up for myself, this means that I am producing again, starting to fulfill my intentions, and that makes me shine with happiness.  

I hope that some of these tips help you with your journey and help you understand mine a little better!